Brace yourself for IMPACT

         Today, we go deeper. Down into hidden places, vulnerable places, places we try to keep safe because sharing them leaves us open susceptible to others words and our own fears. Last night, my thoughts settled on IMPACT. As I lay in the warmth and protection of my bed, what would be the impact I left if I died tomorrow, slightly morbid maybe, but true. There have been many news stories lately that have rested, heavy, on my heart. There is the powerful photos of Syrian refugee children resting or sleeping alone, exposed, vulnerable. I feel the impact these photos relay, my heart aches for these children, for what their eyes have seen and what their heart have felt, at such a young age. We sing, "Jesus, please break my heart for what breaks yours..."  Jesus, this must break your heart, the brokenness of mankind, because my heart is crushed.
          There are two stories about local Grand Rapids women (Rebecca Diaz and Rebecca Moore) who suffered as victims of domestic violence and were murdered in the past couple weeks. Murdered by men that they shared their lives and bodies with, bore children with, loved. These women, both close in age to me, were mothers who leave behind a total of seven children between the two of them. Seven children who will never feel the warmth and safety of their mother's hug, they will never see her eyes twinkle or her mouth smile at them again. Another generation experiencing deep, cutting pain. Two of these children who will one day grow to an age where they understand that their "father" was responsible for the "execution" style murders of the women who gave them life. A generation forever impacted.
         Here I am blessed with four, beautiful, unique, individual little girls, with the responsibility to be an example to them, to pour into them purpose and worth. I would be lying if I said it wasn't one of my deepest fears that I fail, that one, or more, of my daughters won't know in her heart and soul, her value to God, to her parents, and to the world around her. As a result of not believing in her worth, she ends up in the same situation that these women did. It terrifies me. Fear can make a powerful impact.
         The last story I will share is that of 28 year old Amanda Blackburn. Her story has caught media attention nationwide. It could be because of her beauty, the fact she was a wife of a young pastor, 12 weeks pregnant and a mother of a 1 year old, who was mysteriously murdered in the past week while in the "safety" of her home. While the story is heart wrenching, the suspect still at large, wounds so fresh and raw in a community of believers, what impacted me most was what her husband chose to share about her. An opportunity to express his anger, hurt, hate because of what was done to his best friend and mother of his children. What did he do? He spoke of her impact, her selflessness, her heart.  He spoke of her loving the "unlovable", finding value in the "worthless", what she meant to those who loved her or just encountered her. I couldn't help but think when she stood before Christ for the first time he must have said, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!".
       That is the impact I want. I want to leave it all on the field. I don't want to live a life in a safe zone, on the bench. I have that restless feeling in my heart, I want to be a starter, I want to play the whole game and leave it all out there. I want to inspire, chase dreams, love broken people, be vulnerable and open.  I have one chance.  One chance to do this life without being bound so tightly by the fear of perceived expectations, of others, or myself.  I want to find value in all human beings. I want to pour my heart into being a mother, wife, friend, nurse, health coach, etc... I want to be  a safe and positive place for those around me. Heavenly Father, lead me in YOUR way. May I walk worthy of your calling.